She also has recently gotten more busy and a tighter finical situation. As the friend of someone with BPD, it's helpful to be as consistent as possible with what you say and do. Keep up all the good work here! I have read through a lot of your blog and so much of it sounds like me. Yes, YOU can imagine. Its difficult, after all, to relate to others properly when you dont have a solid understanding of yourself and who you are, apart from everyone else around you. Open Letter. Life is such a struggle. You are a source of admiration, thanks for your courage and generous words. A normal life can be had. I have successfully alienated my oldest who is 12 and see how my behaviors are effecting my youngest who is 7. Maybe its the first time you fell in love, or the worst argument you have ever had with someone you love. Also, I am very grateful FOR my boyfriend and your article. He pushes me away but I can hear his cry for help. Thank you for your kind comment. Thank you so much. The most inspiring thing about what she said is that Marsha Linehan, the founder of DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) recently came out as having BPD! And for all those who DO deserve to be helped, be allowed to heal, and their loved ones who deserve to be supported, thank you for sharing this letter that might help them all live better together and individually. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. 1300 554 660. I am wondering what to do to help her. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a severe, complex illness that is marked by frequent mood changes, an unstable self-image and intense, unbalanced relationships. Hay Debbie, I can relate to so much of this. Thank you so much for your honesty and strength. Another thing you may have noticed is that spaced out look on our faces. The letter F. An envelope. Your lack of emotional control leads you to damage your relationships, leading people to walk away from it, which exacerbates the abandonment issues that are a part of your disorder. You are likely to see this behavior from someone with BPD and unlikely to see it from someone with NPD. We havent outgrown this. I think these blogs are more educational than a generic medical article about BPD. Well I better get off this pitty pottyMy Daughter just called and she is Barking also. Yeah, I love hating my life and feeling like I've waste most of it and being almost 40 and feeling like a teenager. I buried and oppressed all my feelings and emotions inside because I was afraid of ruining the one thing I had that made me feel slightly better, our family you and the children. Thanks for your beautiful letter it reminds me that she can't help it and we were close for 32 years so close. I wish you strength and hope as you do this work, and please always remember to also take care of YOU. That book made me see that there are good people in the world. Thanks for writing this. He left me nearly 4 weeks ago.It's over now. I know it might seem I am heartless, but I have to put my own husband and my 5 children first. She read some of your other posts and she said she could see a lot of similarities between us. DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. It sounds like your Mom cares to find out what's happening for you. You may find that difficult to believe, since we may lash out at you, switch from being loving and kind to non-trusting and cruel on a dime, and we may even straight up blame you. She acts more like she's about 16 most of the time. I am sorry you were scared. We are highly emotionally sensitive and have extreme difficulty regulating/modulating our emotions. One must only have 5 symptoms out of 9 to qualify for a diagnosis, and the combinations of those 5-9 are seemingly endless. I had an outstanding relationship with her with much in common and few if any disagreements to the extent that I am totally convinced that she was 'the one' for me (I'm a 48 year old man that has been around the block enough to be a good judge of this) and am not entirely prepared to give up on her. The relationship is different, the experiences are different, and the harm caused is different. I haven't spoken to him for a week., and he hasn't contacted me. Thanks, i'm going to share this with my partner. This blog is a torment to me because it makes me think he could change. Ask questions. I can't help it. I was diagnosed with BPD.. Originally, I had intended for those without it to read and hopefully gain just a grain of understanding. By sharing your experience, you can let others know that they are not alone. Click to enable/disable _gid - Google Analytics Cookie. Wow does this roller coaster ever end??? Thank you. Australian BPD Foundation. Borderline personality disorder in the workplace. Get hand-picked resources and highlights from our Mighty community straight to your inbox. This is called dissociation. Huge hugs! Thank you for your heartfelt comment in response to my letter. I came across this link on tumblr while browsing and I felt compelled to respond from the perspective of the BPD's child. I'm usually pretty good at keeping my head, and not fighting back, whenever she does this. I really appreciate all of the kind, encouraging words you've offered here. she now cant be with me because what will people think if we are seen together? Furthermore, this grandparent generally claims to be perfectly well and claims that there is something wrong with all the rest of us. The roots of abuse in BPD, particularly in intimate significant other relationships with Non-Borderlines have their genesis in the borderline's re-living of this deep intra-psychic pain. She has told me when she gets this sense of impending doom in the past is when she ends up in the hospital, which she has made it over a year with out being hospitalized. Listening to your loved one and acknowledging their feelings is one of the best ways to help someone with BPD calm down. My question though is that, yes i have a diagnosis and relate to so much of what you say here, but the diagnosis and 9 criteria is just a list of a way someone is. Signs and symptoms of borderline personality disorder. We had to behave in ways that would please the caregiver at any given moment in order to stay safe and survive. it gives me so much understanding and hope for my relationship. I would be very pleased to share it with you. and constructing a gulf of silent hostility between us as a way to soothe the slashed open scars of previous . This open letter can be extremely helpful to people who love someone diagnosed with BPD. An Open Letter From those of us with Borderline Personality Disorder: Dear Friends, Family Members, Lovers, Ex-lovers, Coworkers, Children, and others of those of us with Borderline Personality Disorder, You may be frustrated, feeling helpless, and ready to give up. my life is in shamblesi without her, im just ad much a mess worrying about her, who shes with today tomorrow.. You never know thoughit could end up being really helpful to hear from others who are going through the very same things as you. over the years I couldn't figure out why I did the thjngs I did and people dealing with my behaviors would always resort to calling me crazy. You don't understand me. Your email address will not be published. BPD Community Victoria. I'm fortunate enough to have a man in my life who is willing to put up with my ups and downs, how mean I can be for no reason so many things. I've been blamed by doctors who put me on these meds that I'm on too manyand the last one (after I discussed BPD he's a complete idiot and asked *me* what the therapy "DBT" was called) said to me, "You have a serious personality problem", in response to me answering how I'd been doing. This blog was extremely helpful for me, and sincerely appreciate it. You are a strong person for working so hard to heal yourself. Harder than playing the guitar to 3000 people. I do love him and I am asking the Lord to help me help him. After experiencing a lack of support at work, Beth became a champion for workplace mental health. All in all today I am successfull in all that I set my mind on to do. Everyday I sit with teenage girls in crisis, and oftentimes I think they struggling to find the words you expressed so eloquently in your letter. Thank you. The intensity with which you felt those emotions is probably equivalent to what a person with BPD feels on a regular basis. I'm on many meds. Thanks again. My fiance has BPD. i was wondering if you could answer something for me though. I was petrified of losing you; the intensity of my emotions, the world and the endless possibilities absolutely petrified me. I am so sorry that you are suffering as a result of your sister's behavior. Last but not least, thank you for the wonderful open letter. Click to enable/disable essential site cookies. We're currently in the middle of another episode as I write this. She is restarting DBT group in a few weeks. Debbiethank you, for having the courage to write and advise about BPD, that I knew nothing of until my daughter of 27 was diagnosed 7 months ago. This is an open letter to anyone willing and/or needing to listen. Win a copy of my new book, Stronger Than BPD! Hope can be returned. We may do very dramatic things, such as harming ourselves in some way (or threatening to do so), going to the hospital, or something similar. It was a touch and go for 3 days. If you see anything like this, RUN. | by Marissa Young | Medium Write Sign up Sign In 500 Apologies, but something went wrong on our end. Now, multiply that feeling times ten and that is what a person with BPD considers intense emotion. I am about to give birth to my first child and one of my baby's grandparents most likely has Borderline Personality Disorder (previously diagnosed with Paranoid Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Depression, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but many of us believe BPD is a more comprehensive explanation and DBT type therapy/interactions are the only things that have consistently had a positive impact). Maybe Debbie wants to add the Ducht version at her list of translations on her website? There is a lot of misconception out there about BPD. I hope we can be friends in time and partners in raising our son. 4301 Wilson Blvd., Suite 300 I put my family through hell for years. You carried on with our children, with your job, with our house and you dragged it all with you like Wonder Woman. Thanks for the letter just helps a little with the clouser that is impossible to get. I think you are the first Norwegian to tell me about her BPD blog. An Open Letter to People Who Write About Borderline Personality Disorder | by Rivka Wolf | Invisible Illness | Jan, 2023 | Medium 500 Apologies, but something went wrong on our end. That said, it makes sense that people occasionally need to set boundaries with us. Now she teaches DBT, has written several books and has a blog called, Previous post: Finding peace amongst the turmoil, An Open Letter to People who do Not have Borderline Personality Disorder from Those of Us who Do, this blog (Healing from BPD by Debbie Corso), Remind yourself that the persons behavior isnt your fault, Tap into your compassion for the persons suffering while understanding that their behavior is probably an intense reaction to that suffering, Do things to take care of YOU. I have been diagnosed with BPD, Obsessive Compulsive PD, Histrionic PD, Avoidant PD, Dependant PD and Depressive. Click to enable/disable _gat_* - Google Analytics Cookie. From someone that has been through it it means a lot. Once calm, the family can together have an open discussion and achieve setting small goals for the person with BPD. It was so helpful to me. They are conditioned to see the behavior as normal and often times they are terrorized by the behavior. The more I read about BPD, the more I have a hunch that the girl I'm in an LDR with has been living with this or at least a similar pattern dissociation. I want you to know that despite the poor choices, the exhaustion and what you've seen as laziness, I have loved you through it. I just want to Scream at the both of them saying how the hell can you both do this!!!!???? Ironic though since it was my family putting me through hell for years that caused me to develop BPD. I was excited because all of my problems finally had an explanation, and just maybe I wasnt such a bad person. Click to enable/disable Google Analytics tracking. You are free to opt out any time or opt in for other cookies to get a better experience. But please know that at the very same time that we are pushing you away with our words or behavior, we also desperately hope that you will not leave us or abandon us in our time of despair and desperation. 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