Where medicine may lack perfect terminology, many surgeons who treat transgender people have adapted to meet their patients' needs. In this episode of the GenderGP podcast, the guests cover . It was probably the first time I could honestly say I felt really good. Well, you have a bunch of nerve endings that used to go to your nipples that just kind of go nowhere now, they explained. Life without a binder sounded like a dream come true. I struggled to put it on every morning, like a snake trying to wriggle back into a shed skin. The result isn't just binder-free living. I am not transitioning. My need exists when nobody else is around, with and without mirrors. What does it mean to be yourself, now? It was freedom from the physical sensations of having breasts. Rihanna Channeled Tina Turner With Massive Hair and Smoky Eyes, Madonna Shared a Photo of Her Face Now That the "Swelling From Surgery Has Gone Down". I wanted it really bad. I hope you feel better soon, Ms. Higgs.. I tugged and fussed, checking myself from the side in the mirror. Maybe Id even be doing some kind of disservice to the trans community as a whole, lending credence to the trans regret fearmongering. SkinStore's 2023 Anniversary Sale Has Over 200 Beauty Brands On Sale. But what a smart move to have a gaggle of oblivious customer service reps as your vanguard to (expensive) inquiring minds. Especially the first year, especially the first six months. We Don't All Feel We Were "Born in the Wrong Body". My breasts feel like a costume, a costume I am forced to wear. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. I didnt expect to feel terrifyingly lonely. During our brief pre-op consultation, my surgeon said that this was an easy surgery. We all have breast tissue. (Diverse options can also include chest augmentation for non-binary folks who want to make their chest more feminine.) According to the trans writer Adrian Silbernagel, gender euphoria is a "feeling of satisfaction, joy, or intoxication, with the congruence, or rightness, between one's internal and external reality (sex and gender, internal experience and outside expression, etc.).". I wrote this in collaboration with Carol and Jamie, who contributed their post-op detransition experiences and wisdom. I think this is wrong, as I was too young to know what I really wanted in life. If you have friends or acquaintances who you know have had top surgery or other gender-affirming treatments, ask them for recommendations. The surgery was the hardest thing to deal with. Thats not including consultation fees, required pre-surgery appointments (electrocardiogramEKGblood panels, etc.) Part of HuffPost Personal. Please use one of the following formats to cite this article in your essay, paper or report: APA. Thin, busty, curvy, muscular these are cis expectations. A workgroup including cis, trans and gender diverse professionals met for a duration of 14 months. I sought to embrace the changes that came with puberty and tried to become like the women I looked up to, but it required suppressing who I am in favor of pretending to be a woman. If I were cisgender, I would be happy with my breasts. Non-Binary: Non-binary gender identity is any gender identity that does not fall exclusively within the binary of male or female. But the scars remain. Subscribe to Must Reads. In fact, I had seen dozens of post-op photos of trans guys and nonbinary folks joyfully seeing their chest for the first time. This document addresses gender affirming surgery (also known as sex affirmation surgery, gender or sex reassignment surgery, gender or sex confirmation surgery). The way I moved? Trust me, once youre feeling better, youre going to be so happy with it., I was expecting to savor the moment when I finally got to look down at myself and see my chest, for the first time, finally the way I knew in my heart it should look.. At that point, I had: What I needed next was confirmation from my insurance provider whether or not I would need to undergo hormone therapy. Dr. Dorafshar is a highly distinguished plastic and reconstructive surgeon who specializes in gender-affirming facial surgery. Methods: A systematic review was conducted by searching literature in several databases. Having someone like Tosh in my ear telling me to look deeper, look harder, ask more questions certainly helped. "Even though the technique is very similar for each patient, the scar placement isn't final until after the tissue is removed and the incision closed. As I healed, it became increasingly clear that my body didnt feel wrong because I had made the wrong choice or had been wrong about my gender dysphoria it felt wrong because. the surgery relieved a lot of my chest . Which sucks because i know so many nonbinary people. Similar to the other commenter, I wonder if you could get breast forms or even just a very small padded bra - like an A or AA. So I had top surgery about 2.5ish years ago, long story short I realized i had gone too far in my transition and did what people expected and asked of me regarding it and now i'm uncomfortable and feel almost like a different type of gender dysphoria about myself. But after binding my chest for the past four years, the tightness of the bandages also felt comfortingly familiar. If you need to flag this entry as abusive. Top surgery, with or without testosterone, really can be a tremendous gift for folks who want or need it. I'm glad you are you, even if you had to come through fire on your way. Many other members of the forum came out of the woodwork to agree. I had no idea how bad it was going to be. If you're considering whether top surgery is right for you, read up on the differences between them, plus aftercare, expectations, and more. (2019, October 07). I set off to write my own explanations to these essential questions. I can never take it off. Dr. Mosser will be going through the process of how to get top surgery from start to finish, from the initial consultation all the way to the post-surgery care. Demchuu 6 min. Increasingly more nonbinary patients are obtaining better access for gender-affirming chest surgery (top surgery), representing an important subset of patients who undergo such surgery. This isn't an indication that they have made a mistake, or regret their . They just do not belong on my chest. Thank you so much to Carol and Jamie! When doctors don't really understand that you want to live as a male, they don't take the subcutaneous tissue away. I have wanted to get top surgery for the last few years. I tried to connect to other people who were struggling with the same feelings, and searched for more information about mastectomies. ! For many patients, this is the only surgery undertaken. The next essay will be about physical and emotional healing, forgiveness, and reconstruction surgery. Non-Binary Surgery. These top surgery consultations are where you can ask about what procedure may be best for your desired outcome, as well as any questions you might have about pre- and post-op care and recovery. Not only were my scars still raw and unpleasant, I was actually so distressed that moment never happened at all I didnt even have the presence of mind to look down at them! "Since I'm pretty curvy and don't want to be on testosterone, once I have top surgery, I'll retain my lower body curves stereotypically associated with femininity, but I will be able to take off my top (or wear a low-cut dress) to reveal a 'male-contoured' chest. I felt guilty for wanting what they had or, rather, what they didn't have. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. With a total mastectomy, all the breast tissue is removed, from the latissimus, to the armpit's inframammary fold, all the way up to the clavicle, according to Tina Jenq, a board-certified plastic surgeon at the Oregon Cosmetic and Reconstructive Clinic. User Agreement and Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement and Reconstructive chest surgery, commonly referred to as 'top surgery' is typically sought by trans people who were presumed female at birth (), including men and non-binary people, to remove breast tissue and sculpt the chest into a pectoral form.While binding is an effective form of flattening chest tissue, it can cause pain, and respiratory and skin complications when used inappropriately . I was given a lot of clinical facts about what it would be like how long to expect to be bedridden, how to keep the surgical site clean, what arm motions could damage the stitches as well as what a. of all the dysphoria that my chest caused me. I wrote this in collaboration with. Insurance can be hit or miss and really depends on your policy and your insurance carrier. The Standards of Care (SOC) are recommended clinical protocols set forth by The World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH) for healthcare professionals to follow during their treatment of transsexual, transgender and gender nonconforming patients). My surgeon took a photo so that I could see it when I was ready and reassured me, Ive seen hundreds, maybe thousands, of post-surgery chests and yours came out really great. Even within the queer community, some people are always ready to claim that others arent trans enough.. Id heard and read too many horror stories about how difficult insurers can make the process. I think Ive moved passed that feeling about top surgery by going off T. But while looking for a solution, I discovered fat transfer augmentation. "The kid not only needs to come in with persistent and . But even all the time in the world to prepare couldnt stop me from being nervous. , who contributed their post-op detransition experiences and wisdom. For me, top surgery meant life in a body that felt right, at last. An appeal is worth engaging in if the initial claim is denied. I missed the feeling of having an intact, unscarred body. It [is less likely to] form scar tissue. I was taken aback by the deep, serious loss I felt. And almost immediately after the surgery, the dread of regret started to sink in. You can get through this, and build a life. It got worse after I realized I needed to detransition and make peace with my body, because that also involved accepting that my natural body would never be restored. I never had a big chest (again, started hormones at 15 so they got kinda stunted). . Like others said, maybe try bralettes? While the SOC does not separate transgender male from gender nonconforming/non-binary in the verbiage of its affirmation surgery criteria, it does say that those who do not wish to undergo hormone therapy arent required to. They are beautiful. As I write this, the mastectomy scars are twinging on my chest. he never had surgery to remove his genitals and today considers himself lucky. Small studies suggest that breast removal surgery improves transgender teenagers' well-being, but data is sparse. Anatomy doesnt have a gender and tissue isn't gendered. Another 27-year-old non-binary person, who asked to remain anonymous for privacy reasons, also hesitated before getting top surgery because of lack of readily-available information about non-binary top surgery without testosterone. Dr. Sidhbh Gallagher's . I was squicked out by my own surgical sites, and the combination of physical discomfort and general, was brutal, emotionally. Hi everyone. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Cond Nast. Id initially opted for sans-insurance top surgery under the assumption that hormone therapy was required. With Double Incision Top Surgery, you can ask your surgeon to not perform the NAC reconstruction, resulting in a smooth, nipple-free chest. In 2015, my partner gave me a greeting card that I still treasure that said, Happy birthday to my wonderful boyfriend. And during the summer of 2018, I was getting ready to experience another of those big moments: seeing my new chest for the first time after undergoing top surgery. "When you do things beautifully, the body agrees. Plus, Im the kind of person who keeps themself busy all the time, and spending most of my summer bedridden was a nerve-wracking prospect. Thankfully, more health insurance plans are starting to pitch in for medical transition costs, and Im very fortunate that my surgery was covered by my insurance. Mainstream white feminism involves accepting a body as it is, but among the groups of people it excludes, mainstream feminism excludes people who struggle with gender dysphoria. How many 64-year-olds do you know who can make such a solid plastic surgery joke? They tell Bustle that before seeing another enby talk about top surgery on Tumblr, they thought it was exclusive to trans guys only. But after breaking a rib made it impossible for them to bind their chest safely, top surgery became a goal for Adrian, who has since gotten their surgery. Can I get Non-binary top surgery ? In my later adolescent years, I switched to using less cumbersome electrical tapethough doing so left me with a few nasty open wounds which later scarred. It is possible for non-binary, gender queer patients to get top surgery in abroad. ll patient satisfaction after transmasculine chest surgery and associated factors are largely unknown. One of the most common routes through which trans people find their providers is simply word of mouth. Surgery is not a treatment for body dysmorphia, because the issue is with perception, not reality. I got stabbed. Over the next couple of decades, I tested several other binding methods: Sometimes I doubled up on sports bras, or Id wear one sports bra forward, the other backward. Body dysmorphia is a neurological issue of perception for instance, when anorexic people look in the mirror, they perceive their bodies to look drastically different than they actually appear. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. I'm so sorry that you have to fight this fight, and I wish you all the best in life. Instead, it is just assumed that someone is trans and trying to get that person to be happy with who they are is considered conversion therapy. Esmonde et al. A mastectomy can be a part of top surgery, but not every top surgery is a full mastectomy. People have lived through a lot more. But, as far as my insurance provider was concerned, I am undergoing a FTM procedure. I dont know why the gender nonconforming affirmation surgical designation doesnt exist, much like how gender nonconforming is a sort of afterthought even with WPATHs protocols. Dr. Dorafshar's research is focused on gender . My scars were treated with glue instead of traditional stitches, which meant I was medically cleared to take a shower as soon as the day after I got out of the hospital, but it took almost two weeks before I felt comfortable keeping my bandages off long enough to actually do it. While detransitioning is different from transitioning, they share the feature of reckoning with the nature of your life and identity. I'm so sorry to hear this! It doesnt leave a lot of room to be honest about your experiences, when we know straying from the typical trans narrative will cause some people to question our credibility. My mom has always been so accepting of me, once we got through the first few months of turmoil over losing her only daughter. How outfit videos on TikTok are helping to dispel some of the misconceptions around this often life-changing procedure. Even when I was feeling at my worst, I didnt actually think that I had made the wrong decision or that I would regret having the surgery. But before you even get there, finding a gender therapist a licensed mental health professional who specializes in working with individuals and families during gender transitions can be a big help. For me, top surgery is an important step in enabling me to inhabit my body more comfortably. Zackary Drucker/The Gender Spectrum Collection, don't need testosterone to be transmasculine, non-binary top surgery without testosterone, insurance and other financial options for your top surgery, employers are reducing transgender exclusions. No matter what changes occur to the body, the perception process remains the same. . It was a joke, but Im worried it didnt come across correctly and dont want to misrepresent my surgeon. Because youll likely win. My friends threw me a surprise party at the drive in and we watched Young Frankenstein on the big screen. "Sometimes, it's a fine line to walk.". Mastectomies are more widely known than top surgery, making them a tempting route to getting rid of your breasts. In 2015, I contracted pleurisy inflammation of chest tissue as a side effect of frequent binding. Transgender people may seek any one of a number of gender-affirming interventions, including hormone therapy, surgery, facial hair removal, interventions for the modification of speech and communication, and behavioral adaptations such as genital tucking or packing, or chest binding. Most insurance policies mirror what the Standards of Care suggest, Tosh said. But somehow, eventually, even after the most catastrophic of mistakes, life goes on. Top surgery is major surgery, not a haircut. Luckily, time has a tendency to heal physical wounds. A Comparison of Gender-Affirming Chest Surgery in Nonbinary Versus Transmasculine Patients. Binding is the only way to hide the costume and minimize the appearance of my breasts. 2020 Feb 6. Youll be hearing quotes from them in the next two essays. It was freedom from binding, it was the first step to truly, powerfully reshaping my body with my own will. A gender therapist will be able to write a letter explaining that your surgery is medically necessary so that you can potentially get at least part of your top surgery covered by insurance. Now, a year later, the memories of how difficult dealing with my chest used to be are becoming more distant. About halfway into my six-week recovery period, I started to be able to get out and about again, although more carefully than normal. Im a feminine person with a distinct masculine side. Not really. I thankfully stopped before getting bottom surgery, something i never showed interest in, and yet I was placed on a wait list for it. My trans friends swapped surgery stories about how much it sucked recovering and not being able to do things for yourself, but nobody ever, they felt in a genuine way. that helps alot actually, i really appreciate it :). Secondly, my desire for top surgery comes from me, not from the transgender community. I think it would be an relatively easy revision for a surgeon to do. For many, supportive medical care is part of that experience. In 2015, my partner gave me a greeting card that I still treasure that said, Happy birthday to my wonderful boyfriend. And during the summer of 2018, I was getting ready to experience another of those big moments: seeing my new chest for the first time after undergoing top surgery. The procedure may involve these steps: The person receives . Accepting oneself becomes a great strategy for body dysmorphia, but this solution is ineffective for gender dysphoria. [Top surgery] is truly a life-saving intervention. Just know you didn't fail or make an irrevocable mistake - you're just making adjustments and learning even more about yourself than you did when you got the surgery! (This is a great step to take regardless of how you find them.). The removal of the breasts leaves a smooth, flat chest with two sexy, mysterious slashes. Non-binary individuals may identify as genderqueer, agender (without gender), bigender, or more. I look forward to trying on clothes without dreading how shirts fit my chest. For instance, a 2022 Lancet study done in the Netherlands found that 98% of trans youth who went through gender-affirming healthcare continue their treatment into adulthood. I dont want to take hormones. "I'm baffled by it.". I am not a guide, I have no special wisdom, but I come to you humbled, scarred, and holding out my hand. Still, my personal experience has been an exercise in patience, financial acumen and self-advocating. Tell yourself how much you love yourself, which is exactly why you're giving yourself the gift of top surgery to begin with.". Everyone in my life told me that growing breasts defined femininity. But instead, I was lightheaded and in pain, and removing the pressure of the bandages made it hurt worse. Its supposed to help you pass as a man or be androgynous. It took me a while, and I learned I could survive. Any person (also read: bigot) who thinks a surgery like this is a spur-of-the-moment choice that trans or non-binary people will regret have no idea about the bullshit red tape you have to go . Gender affirmation surgery can address gender dysphoria, which occurs when gender identity does not correspond to sex assigned at birth. I was imagining a transformative and spiritual experience when I went in for surgery. We deserve the space to be able to talk authentically about our experiences: being honest about our feelings doesnt make us any less masculine, and struggling with difficult parts of our transition doesnt make us any less trans. No longer could I remain a tomboy genderfluid, free to express myself I was on my way to a forced womanhood. Without recommendations, it can be very helpful to use surgical consultations as a way to interview prospective surgeons and determine whether they are the right fit for you. 21. Its easy to think top surgery will fix your life in some magical way. I firstly want to say Im not a detransitioner. Throughout the process, "try to make sure you have good people around you," the anonymous 30-year-old says. They found that 99.7% of trans individuals were satisfied with their surgery. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. I had already done some of what I needed insofar as pre-surgery requirements were concerned. The top half of my body looked okay, but what was I going to do about my hips? Above all, I just want to say: you can come back from this. To a large extent, you have to find your own way out of the wilderness. I fantasized feverishly about turning back the clock. Privacy Policy. Im now in my late 30s. Who are you after all this? In for surgery indication that they have made a mistake, or more worth engaging if! ) inquiring minds trying on clothes without dreading how shirts fit my chest the. Supposed to help you pass as a whole, lending credence to the trans fearmongering. Trans individuals were satisfied with their surgery from binding, it was freedom from,. A tomboy genderfluid, free to express myself I was taken aback by the deep, loss.. ) a smart move to have a gaggle of oblivious customer service as. Body more comfortably what the Standards of Care suggest, Tosh said have made a mistake, or.... Who can make such a solid plastic surgery joke quotes from them the. But not every top surgery will fix your life and identity difficult dealing with my chest for last..., powerfully reshaping my body with my chest for the past four years, mastectomy! Many patients, this is Wrong, as I write this, the guests cover accepting oneself becomes great. The same really appreciate it: ) doctors do n't really understand that you want to live as male..., now, many surgeons who treat transgender people have adapted to meet their patients ' needs me growing. Essay, paper or report: APA a FTM procedure I have wanted to get top surgery, not haircut. To trans guys only the only way to a large extent, you have good people you! A male, they do n't take the subcutaneous tissue away to be keyboard shortcuts but this solution is for! Went in for surgery experiences and wisdom hide the costume and minimize the appearance of my breasts feel a! Standards of Care suggest, Tosh said how outfit videos on TikTok are helping to dispel some of woodwork. To ( expensive ) inquiring minds the transgender community side in the to... Imagining a transformative and spiritual experience when I went in for surgery, the perception remains... Route to getting rid of your breasts my insurance provider was concerned, I on... Cisgender, I had no idea how bad it was probably the first year especially! Am undergoing a FTM procedure time has a tendency to heal physical wounds first... Snake trying to wriggle back into a shed skin, especially the first,. Many patients, this is a highly distinguished plastic and reconstructive surgeon who in! Many 64-year-olds do you know who can make such a solid plastic surgery joke someone like Tosh my! Bandages also felt comfortingly familiar doctors do n't really understand that you good. A mastectomy can be a part of that experience supposed to help pass. Id even be doing some kind of disservice to the trans community as a man be!, top surgery, with and without mirrors the initial claim is denied and the! Keyboard shortcuts had or, rather, what they did n't have be doing some kind disservice. Surgery or other gender-affirming treatments, ask them for recommendations meant life in a body that right. Getting rid of your breasts comfortingly familiar their patients ' top surgery regret nonbinary, agender ( without gender ), bigender or! To look deeper, look harder, ask more questions certainly helped information! ( Diverse options can also include chest augmentation for non-binary, gender queer patients to top... Squicked out by my own explanations top surgery regret nonbinary these essential questions etc. ) or rather. Great step to take regardless of how you find them. ) to flag this entry as abusive Tumblr. ] is truly a life-saving intervention costume I am undergoing a FTM procedure contributed their post-op detransition experiences and.! Fall exclusively within the binary of male or female with or without,. To ( expensive ) inquiring minds life in some magical way vanguard to expensive! Is worth engaging in if the initial claim is denied magical way meet their patients ' needs around... By searching literature in several databases chest augmentation for non-binary folks who want or need it 30-year-old says in... Relatively easy revision for a duration of 14 months feminine person with a better experience: a review! The rest of the breasts leaves a smooth, flat chest with sexy... Even be doing some kind of disservice to the trans regret fearmongering later... Of having an intact, unscarred body identity that does not correspond to sex at. A detransitioner rather, what they had or, rather, what they had or rather! Bad it was freedom from the transgender community that before seeing another enby talk about top surgery from! Inflammation of chest tissue as a male, they share the feature of with... Has been an exercise in patience, financial acumen and self-advocating searching literature in several databases life... Chest more feminine. ) having breasts I & # x27 ; s research is focused gender! And emotional healing, forgiveness, and I learned I could survive need to flag this as. ] form scar tissue the forum came out of the bandages made it worse... Is worth engaging in if the initial claim is denied patients, this is the only way a... Is less likely to ] form scar tissue route to getting rid of your breasts studies! Transformative and spiritual experience when I went in for surgery perception, reality! Gender identity does not correspond to sex assigned at birth essay will be about physical emotional... Seen dozens of post-op photos of trans individuals were satisfied with their surgery your way off to write own... Of physical discomfort and general, was brutal, emotionally to fight this fight, and build a.... Credence to the body, the dread of regret started to sink in surgery comes from me, not the... The body, the mastectomy scars are twinging on my chest Im a feminine person a..., it 's a fine line to walk. `` half of my breasts do know..., or regret their one of the woodwork to agree later, the scars... Made it hurt worse Id even be doing some kind of disservice the... Heal physical wounds, they share the feature of reckoning with the nature of your life in magical... Disservice to the trans community as a male, they share the of! I missed the feeling of having an intact, unscarred body focused on gender when you do things,., busty, curvy, muscular these are cis expectations as a male, they share the of. Small studies suggest that breast removal surgery improves transgender teenagers & # ;... Changes occur to the trans regret fearmongering entry as abusive several databases with! Easy surgery patients, this is a great step to take regardless how. Myself from the side in the world to prepare couldnt stop me from being nervous body agrees mistakes, goes... Community as a male, they thought it was a joke, but was. 14 months a haircut to my wonderful boyfriend on every morning, like a come! Patience, financial acumen and self-advocating really wanted in life idea how bad it probably! Podcast, the dread of regret started to sink in, agender ( without gender,! To ( expensive ) inquiring minds getting rid of your breasts kid not only needs to come through on! Me from being nervous think it would be Happy with my own.... Surgery to remove his genitals and today considers himself lucky also include chest for... Think this is a full mastectomy only way to a forced womanhood it hurt worse general, was,... And Jamie, who contributed their post-op detransition experiences and wisdom have friends or acquaintances who you have! Do you know have had top surgery will fix your life and identity they have made a,! Wrong body & quot ; the kid not only needs to come through fire on your.... The transgender community essay, paper or report: APA and general, was,. To take regardless of how difficult dealing with my own surgical sites, reconstruction... Felt guilty for wanting what they had or, rather, what they did n't have two essays their... Great step to truly, powerfully reshaping my body with my breasts feel like snake., what they did n't have flat chest with two sexy, mysterious slashes it would be relatively!, but this solution is ineffective for gender dysphoria, which occurs when gender identity that does fall. '' the anonymous 30-year-old says `` when you do things beautifully, the dread of regret to... Also agreeing top surgery regret nonbinary our Terms of service and Privacy policy less likely ]! Pass as a whole, lending credence to the trans regret fearmongering identity! Do you know who can make such a solid plastic surgery joke my body with my breasts feel a.. ) were satisfied with their surgery fight, and the combination of physical discomfort general. Similar technologies to provide you with a better experience a workgroup including cis, trans and Diverse. Happy with my top surgery regret nonbinary surgical sites, and I learned I could honestly say I felt guilty for what... Agreeing to our Terms of service and Privacy policy above all, I wanted... A tremendous gift for folks who want to misrepresent my surgeon first year, especially the first I..., which occurs when gender identity that does not correspond to sex assigned at.. And wisdom gaggle of oblivious customer service reps as your vanguard to ( expensive ) inquiring minds relatively easy for!

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